forgetyourusedtobe | {ic inbox}

Hey.

I don't know if you remember, but like a week ago when we was in that castle, you said I could talk to you about stuff?

[Elena has been feeling a little off since they got back, but not enough that it can get in the way of this. At least she doesn't think so.]

[And besides, there was somewhat of an unspoken promise there. She's gotta try to make good on it.]

Sure, what's up?

Well, I was just thinking about that stuff we talked about. And it ain't like I don't have experience with guys and crushes, you know; I have a lot. But sometimes it's nice to talk about it out loud, you know? Get it out of your head.

I keep liking him more and more. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

[Elena was a little worried something like this might happen eventually. That's the problem when you have feelings stronger than friendship for someone. It gets too hard trying to figure out where the boundaries are, what's right, and what's just going to end up hurting you in the long-run.]

I take it you guys haven't talked about it at all then. [Which is a logical step to take, but never an easy one. It's probably better Tiffany starts somewhere else before talking to Mason anyway.] What about it is starting to worry you?

I don't know if I would say worried. I don't think I'm worried.

But we did talk a little bit, actually, and later I sent him a message.

[She's not sure if she should actually ask about the content of their conversation or if Tiffany would even tell Elena if she did.]

How'd that go?

Which part, talking or the text?

Talking first.

Yeah, that went well. Real well. But it weren't, like, real long or deep or nothing.

[Okay, maybe she does need to ask about content. It's a little hard to know what to tell Tiffany without more.]

What did you say?

I said I wanted to have sex with him.

[Elena needs a second to...process that. Tiffany is an adult and can make her own decisions, but sex is a big step and it complicates things way more than just making out sometimes does.]

And what did he say?

He said yes, so we did.

[She sounds pretty casual about it. She doesn't really consider sex to be "big step" material, even (or maybe especially) with someone she has genuine feelings for.]

And I think it might be just sex, which is fine. But I ain't just physically attracted to him, I got… well, you know. Feelings.

[She looks down at her hands, smiling.]

Feeling sappy. Feeling my stomach turn over when he smiles at me. Feeling like the romantic songs I got on my iPod are all about him. There's a lot of feeling there, I have to say.

[Elena draws a breath and her eyes widen. She really wishes Tiffany had spoken to her sooner because this isn't a good situation. It's not good at all.]

That's... [She lets her breath go, trying to get her head on straight and think about what she wants to say before she says it. Because the last thing she wants to do is sound like she's trying to shame her for it.] Sex is a big deal. And when you have feelings like that, it's never just sex.

Did you guys not talk about your feelings again? About his feelings?

Sex isn't that big a deal. It really isn't. Not if you don't want it to be.

Like I said, we talked a little bit. And I'm almost positive his feelings aren't the same as mine, but I've been wrong before on this, so... uh, I don't know.

I'm pretty sure he wants to date someone from his own world.

No, you're right. Sex isn't always a big deal. Sometimes people just have sex to have sex.

But you said it yourself, you're more than just physically attracted to him and you have a lot of really strong feelings. Which means you're probably not just wanting to have sex with him for the sake of having sex whether you realize it or not. And if he's not having sex with you for those same reasons...

I just don't want to see you get hurt.

Maybe sex just to have sex isn't the only thing I want, but that don't mean I don't want it at all.

I get that, but there comes a certain point where it stops being enough. And it gets really hard to only have that much.

I know that. And I guess that's why I'm not totally sure what to do.

I wish I had an easy answer for you.

[Which she realizes is probably the least helpful answer in the world and she feels immediately guilty for it.]

There's this guy back home that I used to be in love with. It was one of those cheesy, love at first sight kind of deals. He felt the same way and I guess I got kinda lucky he came into my life when he did. But things changed. He changed and I didn't accept it for a long time.

[She draws a deep breath, letting out a heavy sigh. Trying to believe that Stefan would come back to her just as he was? Well, that was more than a little naive and it was hard as hell to hold onto.]

When I realized he couldn't give me what I really needed, I let him go.

It wasn't love at first sight for me, though. Maybe like at second sight.

[She frowns as she listens to the story, trying to apply it to herself.]

You think Mason's gonna change?

Not exactly.

[She rubs at the back of her neck.]

What I'm trying to say is, that you have to consider the possibility that eventually things won't be enough. And if it does, and if Mason still can't give you more and what you're looking for, you can't make him become the guy who can or will.

Does that... Does that make sense?

Yeah. But I knew that already.

[Elena nods a little.]

Okay, as long as you know. Like I said, I can't really tell you what to do or where to take things from here.

... This stuff is a lot different here than it was at home, that's all.

{ic inbox}

[TLV; backdated a bit to closer to the end of the DNoaM breach]

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