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[forgetyourusedtobe]

[Since writing in her diary, Elena hasn't been able to touch it. She had taken to writing into it every day again after she turned her humanity back on. It's helped her keep herself afloat, express things that she knows she needs to so she never feels herself pushed back in the wrong direction again. But she's still feeling a little too empty and numb from Dean's departure. She's handling it better than she thought she would. But there's still just something so very important and essential missing now. She tells herself it will take time and she halfway believes herself.]

[Today, Elena is attempting to write in her diary. She's moved out from her room and is sitting on the deck with it. Her back is against the arm of one of the benches, knees brought close so she has something to write on. But all she's managed is the date. After a while, she closes it and lowers her legs, tucking the diary and her pen underneath them and instead decides to watch the sky above.]

[Eventually, she goes to the library and plucks out the copy of Pride and Prejudice she might as well just keep with how many times she's taken it off the shelf. She used to love it. Then she hated it. Now it was just something familiar and she was content enough to curl up with it in one of the chairs. She doesn't even bother to put it down once she gets hungry enough to make her way to the mess hall. Elena's senses are sharp enough that she can multitask reading and not crashing into anyone in the hallways. She takes her pint of blood substitute and makes her way back to her cabin. Elena's still not one to drink in front of other people if only because she knows it's probably off-putting and likely nauseating to them.]

Comments

[versusnurture]

[She is slowly beginning to learn that very few things with no risk involved are worth doing. There's just a difference between knowing that, feeling it, and acting on it. She thinks she is being brave with Elena now. She hopes she is.]

[Elena deserves someone who will be brave for her.]

[She strokes the back of Elena's hand lightly with her thumb, and nods.]

Yes, please.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

[Elena smiles and doesn't say another word until they make it back to her cabin. There's still a lot left unsaid, things that they will need to talk about sooner or later. But there are also plenty of good things that are best unsaid, too. And for the time being, she's content to be in that part of their relationship where they feel safe and warm. Secure.]

[And maybe that's what she missed the most about Abigail was that security. With everything that was constantly in upheaval around and between them, there was still something unerringly stable about the two of them.]

[She reads Pride & Prejudice out loud to Abigail, knowing that the lights have already come back on again.]