forgetyourusedtobe | Є020 spam/text/video

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Є020 spam/text/video

spam - abigail.

[Elena doesn't know if she's still here or not, but she still moves quickly through the halls to her door. Elena's only a little relieved to see it still there. Truth be told, she's a little nervous about seeing Abigail again. She doesn't know what to expect to find. Elena has hopes that Abigail's still the same at the very least. Maybe better. She hopes not worse. She's also not sure if Abigail is going to want to see her or not. It's an irrational thought, but it's not exactly an impossibility either.]

[In the end, Elena decides it's impossible to separate nerves from actual likelihoods and straightens. She glances down at herself briefly before taking a deep breath and knocking.]

spam - dean.

[Elena has two more stops after she's done with Abigail. The first of which, she's not nervous about. Dean's going to be annoyed. He's going to probably offer up a lecture or, at the very least, give her a very stern talking-to. And then he's going to get over it.]

[She's not worried about whether or not his door is there. She knows he'll be there and sure enough, he is. Elena knocks on the door lightly and folds her arms.]

spam - bond.

[Elena almost doesn't come to this door. She almost decides that instead, maybe she should just send a message. But she decides not to do that. That would probably be his way of doing things, but it's never been Elena's way. So, instead, she walks up to his door to find it still there. It's not quite as unsurprising as Dean's continued presence, but it's no less a welcomed sight.]

[The last time she was here, it was to say goodbye. And he invited her inside.]

[Things between them had changed a lot between the two of them since she first arrived. He's probably going to be pissed she came back. He might not get over it as fast as Dean. But it's okay. She'll withstand the disapproving looks and maybe threaten him with a hug if he really doesn't knock it off.]

[Elena raps on the door.]

[Elena takes some time to look at the network after she's made her visits before she starts sending out a few messages.]

private - chris.
i missed you enough to come back.

private - cassel.

i'm back.

private - mal.

i see he was here. is it stupid for me to ask if you're okay?

video.
[There are others, so many others, that she could send a private message to. But Elena decides to leave it there. No doubt some of the ones she might get in touch with or track down have already heard through the grapevine that she's back.]

[Elena sits down at her desk and flips the video feed on.]

Hey guys. I'm sorry if I didn't let you know personally that I'm back. There's a lot of you and I tried to get to as many as possible. [She purses her lips a moment.] I see a lot of you have left, too.

[She's mostly referring to Arkin. She hopes that wherever he is and whatever he's doing that he's okay. But that is neither here nor there.]

But there's also a lot of you I haven't met yet, too. My name is Elena. For those of you who don't know, I used to be an inmate. I was here... [She pauses to think.] ...about nine months before I graduated and left.

I'm sure someone else has long-since beaten me to it, but if you need anything or have any questions, let me know. This place can be pretty rough and trust me when I say it helps to have friends.

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[Elena almost asks how he knows that she wanted to become a writer until she remembers the flood when she was a little girl and he was a giant asshole. She smiles a little.]

I don't know. [Elena shrugs.] Maybe. It's not really something I've thought a whole lot about since I was turned.

[Maintaining a career as a vampire is hard. People start to notice you aren't aging sooner or later. She won't be able to stay in any one place for that same reason as well.]

[Elena takes a sip of her glass.]

You could always sell yourself as an eccentric hermit.

[It's a good thing he'd never want to be a vampire. That much power with his level of 'fuck it, I do what I want' attitude would be disastrous.

He gestures to the couch, inviting her to sit. Since apparently he can't just give her a kick in the ass off the ship.]

[Her ass is firmly planted on the ship, thank you very much.]

Most people hate JD Salinger, you know.

[Elena moves over to the couch and sits down.]

Not that I think I could ever write something people would love that much. But I guess I'd have a couple of centuries to get it right.

[Her smile is only a brief and dim flash.]

[He shrugs expressively, sitting in an adjacent arm chair and taking a sip from his glass.]

That doesn't sound very confident.

[He's leery of moping. He hates it when he does it and he hates it when other people do it. And she has plenty reason to mope, which makes him even leerier.]

I'm not saying I couldn't get published.

[Maybe.]

But writing a classic? I think that's a one in a million chance.

And lucky you, your odds are ever improving.

[She'll live forever if she wants to, if she's careful. She'll never have to worry about time taking away her opportunities. He's almost jealous of it, but only almost. The thrill of danger, the imminence of death, they have been parts of his life for so long that he can't imagine being without them.

Plus, he's had blood in his mouth often enough to hate the taste.]

[Elena smiles over the rim of her glass.]

I'll be sure to subject you to my first drafts. After all, you gave me all the inspiration I'll ever need with those copies of Twilight.

You know, the full extent of my knowledge of that book is a teenager who looks like he fell into makeup and glitter.

I'd almost believe it, if it took play in a New York City club.

[He'd read them. He would grumble and gripe, but he'd read them.]

[She raises her glass to him with a grin.]

Duly noted.

[Elena pauses to take a sip.]

What would you do if you had eternity anyway?

Did you have an answer to that question, before you found out yourself?

[The truth is, he doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to imagine eternity, forty forever, feeling his humanity slipping away. He would turn it off. And he would be terrible.]

I don't even know what I want to major in.

[Which is enough to answer that with a big fat no. It's not that she hadn't considered it. She had more than once. After the loss of her parents, having something that would be permanent sounded nice. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that wasn't what she wanted for herself.]

[He sips at his drink, watching her over the rim, and when he finally lowers the glass it's to cock his head to the side.]

You could make a deal for yourself, Elena. [He waves one hand dismissively.] After your brother. [He isn't that cold.]

I know, [she says with a soft sigh.]

[The thought has crossed her mind more than once. Elena has become more comfortable in her own skin with who and what she is, but there will always be a part of her that misses being human. It's an intangible quality. But it seems hard to fathom going back the longer she stays a vampire. She doesn't know how exactly to say that without sounding pathetic or like she's greedy for the power that comes along with being a vampire because it's nothing like that. At least not the latter.]

[Maybe it is a little of the former. She doesn't want to hear Bond say it though, so she says nothing and just has another drink from her glass.]

[Often, James doesn't press. Often, he doesn't care enough, or is content to let it seem that way while he digs on his own.

He presses now.]

And? It won't ever be as simple as it can be here. Do you want eternity, or humanity?

[Elena swallows the sip from her glass, but holds it there at his question. He doesn't usually press. She wasn't expecting him to press. But she doesn't look horrified that he asked or even surprised. Elena just keeps her eyes cast downward at some spot on the floor albeit unfocused on that particular spot.]

[She lowers her glass.]

That's supposed to be an easy question.

[The but is unspoken if only because there is so much that follows that but.]

[Elena had never wanted to become a vampire. She decided that she wanted to live a (semi)-normal life. Make all the decisions every human has to at some point and carry on. That's all she ever wanted for herself. And then that was taken from her. Then everyone was making decisions for her. Like she didn't have the capability or even the right to decide what she should do, who she should love and be with, what she should aspire and try for.]

[Humanity stopped being about life. It stopped being about her choice. It just became a way to fix her because becoming a vampire tainted her that everyone, in one way or another, found reprehensible. And they were right, in a way. Becoming a vampire changed Elena. But it didn't ruin her. It didn't make her broken or useless. It was everyone and everything else that did that to her.]

[Elena raises her gaze back to Bond.]

I just want to live my life and be happy. I don't think being a vampire or a human is going to make that more or less possible.

[His gaze is there to meet hers when she looks up. It's a good answer, and God knows he's wanted the same thing, even if vampirism never factored into his life. So he nods.]

Fair enough.

[It's not that he doesn't care; if he's being perfectly honest with himself, it's that he cares more than he's comfortable with. He wanted to know what her decision was, and it wouldn't be hers if he tried to change it. No matter how much he dislikes the idea of vampires, or for that matter, anything that he can't fight. She is something he doesn't like, but that doesn't mean he has to dislike her.

When he lifts his glass, there's a wry little smile twisting his mouth.]

To the more or less possible.

Edited 2014-06-17 20:41 (UTC)

More or less possible, [she echoes, raising her glass to match his.]

[She downs what little is left, giving herself a moment to feel the smooth burn of it. Elena used to barely be able to handle more than cheap beer at parties where it wasn't supposed to be like any other high school student. But somewhere along the way, she stopped being like any other high school student. It's still a little up in the air about whether or not that was a good or bad thing.]

[Elena sets her empty glass down, rubbing at her thighs with her hands for a moment before she stands.]

I should get out of your hair.

Yes, [he quips immediately, standing with her. There's almost a smile twitching the corners of his mouth, but it fades in short order.]

You should do what you can to prepare.

[He doesn't say he won't hold it against her if she kills him again, because frankly, though it may be true, he has no interest in dying again. He's starting to lose count.]

I'll be fine.

[And she believes that. Elena knows how to take care of herself much better now. And she doesn't need to do it by killing people.]

Take care of yourself in the meantime.

[She turns and heads out of his cabin.]

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Є020 spam/text/video

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