forgetyourusedtobe | Є024 video

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Є024 video

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I know some of you are probably sick of hearing things like this, but if anybody needs help with anything - even if you just want company or something - let me know. I know I could probably use some company myself.

private - Horatio.

I just want to say thanks for everything you did down there. And for treating me like a person.

private - Scott.

Can we talk?

[Normally she'd go to Dean about this, but with the way he is? She isn't really sure she wants him to know she's a vampire right now. And she'd consider talking to Mal, but they don't exactly have the same kind of problems.]

That last port was just messed up and I don't... [She almost says she doesn't have anyone to talk to about it, but that's not true. Abigail would probably listen if she did, but she doesn't feel this is something to dump in her lap either.] I don't really have anyone else I wanna talk to about it.

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He can't possibly be. He has you here, trying to help him, even after he's died. No one I know has that kind of family.

Yeah, but I'm also the reason he needs someone here in the first place.

[Her smile is thin.]

I know I'm not necessarily the worst big sister, but I royally screwed up letting him get mixed up in all of this.

Yeah...that's what I did, too. For me--for him--it was gang wars. A lot of violence he never really understood; he just followed me in because what else do you do?

[Hero worship was the root problem there; he's not sure it's the same for her. Do little brothers worship their sisters that way?]

What'd you get mixed up in?

[In Elena's case, Jeremy was only ever trying to protect Elena, not trying to follow her example. And quickly, as the more and more life got crazier and out of control, the more people he was trying to protect.]

[This wasn't the life Jeremy was meant to live. Maybe for Elena it was inevitable because she was the doppelganger, but it didn't have to be this way for Jeremy.]

Vampires. Werewolves. Witches. Hybrids. It's a really long story.

I'm not going anywhere.

[Though he's most interested in the parts of the story that she deems important. There are always details missing; he doesn't care much for history, unless he can see it impacting the moment.]

[Elena draws a deep breath, letting out a shaky sigh.]

I started dating a vampire. I didn't know he was a vampire at first, but outside his brother, things were okay.

But I come from a bloodline of doppelgangers. My ancestor's blood was used a thousand years ago to create vampires, but also to curse one of the Original vampires. It turned out that he was actually half-werewolf so his mother cursed him to keep his werewolf half dormant. It was a way to try and balance out nature because otherwise, he could never be killed.

The short version is that he needed my blood to undo the curse. He got his way and then he needed my blood to create more hybrids like him. He got his way again.

A lot of people have died. People that were close to me, close to my friends. And Jeremy has lost every single person in our family except for me.

The worst crimes in history were done in the hopes of everlasting life. But it's not often you see someone whose life is a microcosm of the quest for the Fountain of Youth.

What are you going to do if the Admiral does bring him back to life for you? Aren't things just as dangerous?

Jeremy died trying to get the cure for me.

[She's silent for a moment, looking down.]

I died and became a vampire a few months ago. We found out there was a cure and he was trying to get it for me.

Do you want the cure now...?

[Now that she has some control, some little sliver of peace. He remembers vaguely how dangerous she had seemed, the last time she was here.]

You know, if you had asked me that a while ago, I might have still said yes. But I don't think becoming a human again has what I'm looking for.

[It won't undo anything or change who she is. Elena knows she's better off letting that go and instead looking forward.]

I have spent so much of the past two years looking back, trying to figure out where to go and now I'm finally not...

[She shakes her head a little.]

I don't think I would take it even if it was right here in front of me.

[Not that he's an expert, but he is very good at detecting doubt, and even better at spotting outright lies. He wonders if Elena knows how unusual it is to ask a question like that--to ask, essentially, 'do you want to change yourself'--and hear back a resounding 'no'.]

I think the only way anyone can ever do any real good is when they finally see things like you do now. It's hard not to worry about the past, it's hard to believe that the things you knew just don't exist anymore even if you can still touch them.

...Did you know that humans--and vampires, and some aliens I suppose--are the only creatures who are able to 'remember' the future? We're the only ones capable of sitting down and visualizing something that hasn't happened, and then making it become real? But of course since we can't make it fit exactly the way we 'remember' it going in our imagination, we lose patience, we become afraid, we go back to reaching for things that are already behind us. It's a waste, and yet...

[He has a tendency to talk, to ramble, when he's in the middle of an ear-splitting deaf spell. He trails off only when it passes and he can hear muffled sounds through the tinnitus. He offers her a small, sheepish shrug.]

Why are you his only family?

[She listens to him while he speaks, nodding a little. She doesn't know if that holds true entirely, but there are enough pieces of truth to it that she can believe it. How long did all of them continue grasping at something that wasn't there anymore? How long did they keep struggling to bring things back to make life the way it was supposed to be.]

[Elena used to think she was afraid of having everything spelled out for her, to have her whole life written for her before she began. But now she realizes her fear comes from not having a future she can control. Sometimes she still struggles to control more than she's reasonably able to. Other days she lets it go and instead takes it one step at a time.]

Because the rest of it is dead. Everyone's gone.

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Є024 video

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