Є027 spam/voice [slightly forward dated to 01/24]

[forgetyourusedtobe]

spam - simon.

[When Elena wakes, she sits up abruptly with a loud and harsh gulp of air. She looks around the room with only her eyes at first, her neck too stiff and sore to move without pain, trying to figure out where she is. Elena at first is blinking rapidly because she remembers what happened and she has to do something to keep the tears back. Her heart is pounding in her chest as she tries to calm her breathing.]

[After a few seconds, she realizes she's not alone. Elena turns her head to look at him with a small wince, hand instinctively reaching to rub at her neck. They haven't met before, but she assumes he's the one who found her on the deck. (And this is probably his room.) Did he find Dean, too? (She wonders if Dean's okay. Maybe he doesn't deserve her concern, but it's reflexive and she can't help it.) There's also the question of who exactly this guy is. But she starts with her first question.]

Where's Dean?

voice.

[Elena doesn't stay in Simon's cabin long. Once she's done talking with him, she manages to keep herself together until she makes it to her cabin. She closes her door and leans against it. For a brief moment, it feels like she'll be okay. But alone, with no one to pretend that she's fine in front of, she can't keep the tears back any longer. Elena purses her lips as her vision blurs with tears before she slumps down onto the floor feeling entirely exhausted and empty.]

[She thinks of reaching out to people. She picks up her communicator countless times trying to make herself call someone. Abigail, Arkin, even the stupid impulse to call Dean. (At one point, she fishes out the cell phone he gave her, just staring at his phone number knowing there's no way to actually reach him.) But each time she ends up setting it back down with a fresh wave of tears. But she's not just crying entirely for herself.]

[She didn't deserve that. She knows she didn't deserve that. But it didn't just come out of nowhere. That Dean is this far gone hurts. It hurts not just for herself, but for everyone who's ever known him. And it hurts Dean most of all.]

[When she finally feels like she can keep it together long enough, she picks up her communicator.]

If you found my diary, I'd appreciate it if you'd give it back. [She draws a steadying breath, pushing her hair back out of her face. There's a small sniffle.] I'm uh... I'm in my room. Level 4, room 3.

Thanks.

[She cuts it there.]

Comments

[forgetyourusedtobe]

If I took the cure [a word she says as a very concrete and real thing] tomorrow, I couldn't go back to being human. Not really.

It wouldn't undo the things I did. The things I feel now. Maybe there was a time when I could have gone back and it would have been okay, but not now.

I'm still me, but... [She shrugs a little.] Being a vampire is part of who I am now.

[And she doesn't think anyone back home is going to readily understand that. Certainly not Stefan and Damon who have been doing everything they can to get her to first, care about it and second, take it.]

[irishrotter]

[He smiles a little bit and nods. It's less agreement than confirmation, like he's a teacher letting her know she got the right answer.]

Good. Don't let anyone take that away from you.

[Especially since it sounds like they can in her world, which is a chilling prospect, indeed. Then again, the way Amy died, he's not sure they haven't found a way in his world, either...]

[forgetyourusedtobe]

I'll try not to.

[And she means that sincerely. Short of shoving the cure down her throat and forcing her to swallow it, Elena won't take the cure. If they manage to get their hands on it again, someone else can take it. Stefan, maybe. Or even Rebekah. But not her. It's not the life she wants for herself anymore.]

[Elena finally stands up. She thinks she's ready. At the very least, she feels better.]

I should probably get back to my cabin.

[Elena almost extends her hand in thanks, but instead - regardless of whether Simon also stands or stays seated - she gives him a tight hug. She doesn't know him all that well, but Simon has given her a lot today. That's worth a hug, not a handshake. But she lets go and steps back before the hug is too long.]

Thank you. [She smiles, laughing a little at herself.] Again.

[irishrotter]

[He does stand, and when she hugs him he doesn't hesitate in the least before giving her a tight hug in return. It might be a pretty strange one for her: he's big and broad and strong, which should in theory make him a great hugger, but then there's also the cold and lifeless thing.

On his end, he seems perfectly happy. He's actually kind of grateful, in a strange way; he has friends here, but even some of them have been distressingly reluctant to touch him. He's smiling when they break away from each other, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze before dropping his hand.]

Of course. Come by any time, okay? My door's always open to a fellow undead.

[forgetyourusedtobe]

[Elena returns the smile. While she still has a lot still in turmoil underneath about what's happened with Dean, she feels strong and well enough to hold it in at least long enough to get back to the cabin. That's what solidarity and camaraderie gives you, she thinks. And it's something she's been missing since she returned to the Barge.]

[That's not to say that she doesn't have people who don't understand her or don't care for her here. She has more than most people who arrive on the Barge have just from her previous experience. But there's a difference between understanding and understanding. And it really seems like Simon is the latter, for which Elena will always be grateful for.]

Absolutely. And the same's true for my cabin, too. You ever need to talk or anything.

[Though he seems really put together and able to manage just fine, Elena wants to extend the same offer to him.]

I'll see you around.

[And she'll see herself out.]