forgetyourusedtobe | Є027 spam/voice [slightly forward dated to 01/24]

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Є027 spam/voice [slightly forward dated to 01/24]

spam - simon.

[When Elena wakes, she sits up abruptly with a loud and harsh gulp of air. She looks around the room with only her eyes at first, her neck too stiff and sore to move without pain, trying to figure out where she is. Elena at first is blinking rapidly because she remembers what happened and she has to do something to keep the tears back. Her heart is pounding in her chest as she tries to calm her breathing.]

[After a few seconds, she realizes she's not alone. Elena turns her head to look at him with a small wince, hand instinctively reaching to rub at her neck. They haven't met before, but she assumes he's the one who found her on the deck. (And this is probably his room.) Did he find Dean, too? (She wonders if Dean's okay. Maybe he doesn't deserve her concern, but it's reflexive and she can't help it.) There's also the question of who exactly this guy is. But she starts with her first question.]

Where's Dean?

voice.

[Elena doesn't stay in Simon's cabin long. Once she's done talking with him, she manages to keep herself together until she makes it to her cabin. She closes her door and leans against it. For a brief moment, it feels like she'll be okay. But alone, with no one to pretend that she's fine in front of, she can't keep the tears back any longer. Elena purses her lips as her vision blurs with tears before she slumps down onto the floor feeling entirely exhausted and empty.]

[She thinks of reaching out to people. She picks up her communicator countless times trying to make herself call someone. Abigail, Arkin, even the stupid impulse to call Dean. (At one point, she fishes out the cell phone he gave her, just staring at his phone number knowing there's no way to actually reach him.) But each time she ends up setting it back down with a fresh wave of tears. But she's not just crying entirely for herself.]

[She didn't deserve that. She knows she didn't deserve that. But it didn't just come out of nowhere. That Dean is this far gone hurts. It hurts not just for herself, but for everyone who's ever known him. And it hurts Dean most of all.]

[When she finally feels like she can keep it together long enough, she picks up her communicator.]

If you found my diary, I'd appreciate it if you'd give it back. [She draws a steadying breath, pushing her hair back out of her face. There's a small sniffle.] I'm uh... I'm in my room. Level 4, room 3.

Thanks.

[She cuts it there.]

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He's an inmate?

[He actually didn't know until this moment that Dean isn't a warden, although it doesn't bother him quite as much as it would have a few weeks ago. He's starting to develop an actual sense of nuance -- it's hard not to in this place. Still, he snorts softly, raising his brows.]

Could be that's why he did it. Not everyone goes so peacefully to the grave.

[He thinks of Kieren, plastering makeup on. He thinks of Rick Macy, hunting his own kind.]

Not everyone thinks so kindly of others in the same boat, either. Doesn't necessarily mean he would've done it sooner. Maybe something set him off.

[It seems logical that something did. She's entertains the possibility that maybe it had nothing to do with her. She wants to think that and believe it with everything in her, but she has a sore neck that's trying to tell her otherwise. She reaches up and rubs at her neck again with a hand, frowning.]

I don't think what he did was really all that planned.

[Or else, he probably would have tried to do it the second she opened her mouth. He wouldn't have waited for her to approach and start speaking.]

He had to be fast and do it when I wasn't expecting it because I'm stronger and faster than he is.

[She looks up at Simon. She doesn't know what he knows about vampires exactly, but she doesn't want to give him the wrong impression that she could or would be dangerous like that towards someone even if they attacked her first.]

I wouldn't have hurt him though. I almost got away, and I would have just... [Words seem to fail and she falters before adding almost quietly, unconvinced herself that she would have tried to just run off.] I would have just run.

[But deep down, she knows she would have stayed because she isn't someone who runs from things like this. She wouldn't have let him kill her, but she wouldn't have abandoned him either.]

I just... [Elena looks back down at the floor, blinking rapidly.] I don't know why he did it.

[Frankly, she's showing more restraint than he would have. He's never really hurt anyone all that badly since he started on the neurotriptyline, but he's far from opposed to the idea. And he might not kill Dean now that he knows he's already died, but when he thought he was living... There are a lot of ways the situation up on the deck could have played out, and a lot of them don't end with Simon running. He's not going to judge her.

He's not going to push anymore, either, because he can see that she's starting to get upset. He backs off a little and ducks his head, trying to catch her eyes.]

Hey, don't worry about it. Like I said, you're safe here. You can stick around as long as you need.

[Elena meets his gaze and nods slowly with a strained smile. She looks away for a moment, rubbing at her eyes briefly with her fingers and without much concern or consideration for her make-up. It's a) not that important right now, and b) probably not looking the best to begin with anyway.]

[She wants a little more time. At least enough time to steel herself for the walk back to her room. But at the same time, she doesn't want to just sit here in silence with Simon. It feels a little awkward and rude, so she tries to fill it with (what she feels) is a little bit of a forward question.]

So um. Can I... Can I ask what you are?

[Oh, he agrees with her on that. And vampire or not, whatever they've shared so far, his first instinct is still to go on the defensive. He doesn't get aggressive -- not like Dean -- but his eyes narrow slightly, and his chin lifts with pride.]

I'm a person -- same as you.

[But, okay. He's started to accept that most people here don't come with the years of ~~baggage~~ context that he and Kieren do. They don't know why their questions prickle him so. He sits back, managing a rather thin smile.]

I'm undead.

Oh, [Elena says with a small nod. (God, she has to stop moving her neck. She makes a mental note that probably is not going to stick in the face of reflexive movements like that.) At the very least, there's no signs of prejudice or superiority because Elena doesn't feel any. Undead makes a lot of sense given the color of his eyes and skin, but that's about as far as her thinking goes because she doesn't need to be told he's a person to know he is.]

[If he was a monster, he wouldn't have brought her here.]

We don't have any undead like you where I'm from just vampires and werewolves. But I'm sure you'd fit in about as well as everyone else. [Which is to say with incredibly mixed success and failure. The humans would no doubt freak out if they knew, but the other supernatural creatures probably wouldn't mind as much. Well. Maybe not all of the witches would find it as kosher what with the whole balance of life thing, but supernatural politics are enough to make Elena's head spin, so she just leaves it where it is.] Mystic Falls has a little bit of everything.

Everything but us.

[It's dry, but not sharp the way his voice was a minute ago. The corner of his mouth ticks upward.]

How well do the vampires and the werewolves fit in?

[Now there's a complicated question. Elena does her best in trying to explain it.]

Most people think werewolves are extinct. One of the Original vampires started a war and the werewolves lost. So, unless they've triggered the curse, most people don't even know they're talking to one.

Vampires... [Elena makes a face and sighs. That is easily far, far more complicated than werewolves. Where werewolves lead quiet existences, it seems like vampires can't help but stir up trouble wherever they go even when they're trying to coexist peacefully.] A lot of vampires are just trying to live their lives without hurting anyone. Most people don't even know we exist because we steal blood bags and wear daylight rings. But there are some that still attack and hurt people, and do whatever they want.

So, the people who know about vampires tend to stake first and ask questions later.

[Her parents were those types of people which is an entirely uncomfortable thought to have given how her life has turned out. She'd like to think that they could still love and accept her, that they could still be proud of her after everything. After all, John came around to her dating a vampire eventually and even seemed to come to some kind peace with the idea that she might have come back a vampire after Klaus' ritual. But that's all it is; a nice thought. She will never really know how her parents would think of her.]

And most witches outright hate vampires.

You all live in secret?

[It's hard to imagine for him, and a little distasteful. Even the most eager to assimilate amongst the undead in his world have tells -- they can put on all the mousse they want, but they can't change the temperature of their skin. The ones who try to fit in do so less to actually disappear into the crowd and more to show the living that they're trying, he thinks.

He, of course, does not: he wears his face bare like a badge of honor. It is one.]

You hide in plain sight.

[Elena nods. She doesn't expect him to approve of it necessarily. She doesn't know what his world is like enough to know his feelings on the matter. But the way she sees it, hiding is safer.]

People think we're monsters.

[Elena draws an uneasy breath. She never thought Stefan was a monster. She had even been willing to give Damon the benefit of the doubt for a very short window in the beginning. But now? Now she knows it's not that simple as being a monster or not. They're predators sure, but they're people before that. They make choices that are monstrous or not.]

I think if I hadn't turned up here without my humanity on the first time around, I wouldn't have told anyone what I was for a very long time. It just wouldn't feel safe. But people that were here then know what I'm capable of because at the time I didn't care. And now they know I won't ever choose to do it.

[Just like she won't choose to hurt Dean.]

[He's not sure exactly what that means -- without her humanity, like it's something that was taken away? -- but it doesn't sound entirely different from being treated or untreated. Would he be any different now if he'd shown up untreated? More apologetic? Less open?

Maybe it would depend on who woke him up. He'd like to think he'd be the same, though.]

Good.

[And he doesn't mean good that she wouldn't choose to.]

Don't be ashamed of who you are. People -- what you call people -- they're capable of just as much as you or I. Maybe in different ways, but they are. Your friend upstairs is proof of that.

Of course, my people... we can't hide what we are that easily. The most we can do is act the way they want us to.

[The corner of his mouth ticks upward -- it's pretty clear what he thinks of that.]

Edited 2015-02-07 22:36 (UTC)

[She used to feel shame over what she was. It's a feeling that if she thinks on long enough, she can feel it beginning to rest right there in the pit of her stomach once more. Where that shame came from exactly, she couldn't say. Maybe it was because this wasn't the choice she would have made for herself. Maybe it was because of the hallucinations she suffered after she killed Connor. Or it may come from knowing her family, up until her and Jeremy, had dedicated their lives to the eradication of vampires throughout the generations.]

[Whatever the source, she tries not to dwell on it. Elena likes to think she's come to a place where she's accepted herself, accepted being a vampire. She doesn't want the cure. She just wants her brother back. That's it.]

[She frowns a little at what Simon says though because it doesn't take a genius to know what he's implying just plain isn't right.]

Act like what?

[He snorts softly.]

Like we wish we were still one of them. Like we're less than they are, now.

[Her hunch is definitely confirmed and Elena's frown deepens. For a moment, she's silent. Maybe she shouldn't say it, but... Well, they're already talking about it. She doesn't think Simon will necessarily think anything less of her. And if he does? That's not exactly okay, but he has a right to it.]

I used to want to be human again. I never wanted to be a vampire. I just... [She shakes her head.] I don't really know what I wanted.

[He can't judge her on used tos, though. He used to want the same thing, once. As far as he's concerned, that had been when he'd been too naive and too brainwashed to understand the truths he now knows all too well. She says used to, and he hopes the same for her.]

And now?

If I took the cure [a word she says as a very concrete and real thing] tomorrow, I couldn't go back to being human. Not really.

It wouldn't undo the things I did. The things I feel now. Maybe there was a time when I could have gone back and it would have been okay, but not now.

I'm still me, but... [She shrugs a little.] Being a vampire is part of who I am now.

[And she doesn't think anyone back home is going to readily understand that. Certainly not Stefan and Damon who have been doing everything they can to get her to first, care about it and second, take it.]

[He smiles a little bit and nods. It's less agreement than confirmation, like he's a teacher letting her know she got the right answer.]

Good. Don't let anyone take that away from you.

[Especially since it sounds like they can in her world, which is a chilling prospect, indeed. Then again, the way Amy died, he's not sure they haven't found a way in his world, either...]

I'll try not to.

[And she means that sincerely. Short of shoving the cure down her throat and forcing her to swallow it, Elena won't take the cure. If they manage to get their hands on it again, someone else can take it. Stefan, maybe. Or even Rebekah. But not her. It's not the life she wants for herself anymore.]

[Elena finally stands up. She thinks she's ready. At the very least, she feels better.]

I should probably get back to my cabin.

[Elena almost extends her hand in thanks, but instead - regardless of whether Simon also stands or stays seated - she gives him a tight hug. She doesn't know him all that well, but Simon has given her a lot today. That's worth a hug, not a handshake. But she lets go and steps back before the hug is too long.]

Thank you. [She smiles, laughing a little at herself.] Again.

[He does stand, and when she hugs him he doesn't hesitate in the least before giving her a tight hug in return. It might be a pretty strange one for her: he's big and broad and strong, which should in theory make him a great hugger, but then there's also the cold and lifeless thing.

On his end, he seems perfectly happy. He's actually kind of grateful, in a strange way; he has friends here, but even some of them have been distressingly reluctant to touch him. He's smiling when they break away from each other, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze before dropping his hand.]

Of course. Come by any time, okay? My door's always open to a fellow undead.

[Elena returns the smile. While she still has a lot still in turmoil underneath about what's happened with Dean, she feels strong and well enough to hold it in at least long enough to get back to the cabin. That's what solidarity and camaraderie gives you, she thinks. And it's something she's been missing since she returned to the Barge.]

[That's not to say that she doesn't have people who don't understand her or don't care for her here. She has more than most people who arrive on the Barge have just from her previous experience. But there's a difference between understanding and understanding. And it really seems like Simon is the latter, for which Elena will always be grateful for.]

Absolutely. And the same's true for my cabin, too. You ever need to talk or anything.

[Though he seems really put together and able to manage just fine, Elena wants to extend the same offer to him.]

I'll see you around.

[And she'll see herself out.]

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Є027 spam/voice [slightly forward dated to 01/24]

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